Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Fun with Guns...

Okay, back to the funny. Or at least what I think is funny. On its own, these things are facts - but some of them are pretty preposterous. Just the same, I like to use them to agitate some of my more ummmm.... liberal Canadian friends. Kind of reinforce the American stereotype for my own amusement.

One of the biggest differences is how we look at guns. Yes, Canadians have them, but they have to be kept in a locked steel gun cabinet with the ammo stored separately. Handguns are virtually unheard of - not that they don't exist, just not legally. In America, assault rifles can be kept in a china cabinet and you can have a Glock in your nightstand, loaded. (For my Canadian friends - a Glock is a high powered semiautomatic pistol. Like on TV. American TV. We all have them - ha ha)

In Canada, you can buy a gun - rifle or shotgun - for hunting, but it has to be registered with the Federal government, and they can turn you down for shoplifting gum when you were ten. Can't have weapons in the hands of known criminals. Unknown criminals are okay, though. In the States, you can go to a pawn shop and buy a Tec-9 "semiautomatic" machine pistol (this actually happened to me) and the guy will tell you how to make it full auto and build a silencer with stuff from an auto parts store. He even offered four magazines and a carrying case. And pistols - it's a little tougher. You got to wait seven whole days... after all, we almost had a president get killed by a cheap handgun. Cool, huh?

If you are attacked in your OWN home in Canada and shoot your invader (provided you get all the fucking locks open, find the ammo, load and get a shot off BEFORE he caps you with his stolen and smuggled American handgun,) you can and probably will be arrested for assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill and probably spend time in prison. The guy who robbed you will get a ticket and can sue you for pain and suffering (it's happened.) In America, especially the Southern states, they have something - we'll just call it the "needs killin'" law. Same scenario, but you dump a magazine into him because your Glock is handy AND loaded. Cops come, and because the bullet riddled corpse is facing inward, he needed killin'. Can't have criminals just livin' and all... hyuk hyuk hyuk. No charges filed. It's happened.

Even gangs are different - except for the international gangs, like the world's biggest biker club. I ain't mentioning their name. I like my life. But I seriously think that crews like the Crips and Bloods send their non shooters up north. In the States you have drive-bys and massive firefights. Some of these guys are better armed than third world countries. Here they got really cool knives. No drive-bys to speak of... unless they find a stolen and smuggled American gun. Even then... well, when you only have twelve bullets, you can't waste too many. But they DO have cooler gang names here - ZigZag Crew and Indian Posse. Pretty imaginative, really.

So basically it comes to this. In America, we have the right bear arms. In Canada, we have the right to be bare of arms.

I love the smell of cordite.... lock and load!!

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