Okay. So I'm home for the day on one of Canada's many paid holidays - I don't really know what it's called. I guess I should be more culturally aware, but I'm American. People don't expect me to be. Don't want to let the people down...
So I'm sitting here, writing with the lastest judge show playing in the background. I like the judge shows - mostly because I like to watch people make asses of themselves on national TV. Pretty sure they don't know even Canadians think they're idiots as well. But at least the judges usually hammer the idiots, or let them know just how stupid they are. Like guys who don't think they owe their girlfriends thousands of dollars because they're a hell of a guy and a great lover. Whatever. If you WERE that good, you half a tard, she'd still be with you.It's a loan. Gifts = prostitution. So you're a ho, then. And you're good with that?
Or the MORONS who will make a confession to a felony on air and not even realize it. Are you THAT detached from society that you don't realize that defrauding the government isn't a crime? AND you're actually using it as part of your case? Fuck. Some people are just too stupid to live.
Or the umm... reality? shows like Maury. My favorites are the "who my baby daddy is" episodes. Some people will do anything to get on TV. Even admit that they fucked so many guys in a two week span that they have to DNA ten on one show. AND NONE OF THEM WERE THE FATHER. Holy shit, her parents must be proud. So what does this hosebag do? She gives up another six names. Again, NO DADDY. Umm, if I was one of the guys who dared to fuck this chick, unprotected, I'd spend every day at the clinic and looking in my pants to make sure my dick doesn't fall off.
I won't even mention Jerry. That shit can't be real. No trailer park in the world could hold that much trash.
And the commercials - I'm not talking about the regular ones. I mean the ones during the day that advertise cash title loans and lawyer services. These assholes know that most of their audience is unemployed or drawing a government check. The testimonials are fucking hilarious - "they got me what I deserved." Yeah, dumbass. Then they took two thirds. You get to pay taxes on the whole amount. Hope it helped.
But the funny ones are the late night commercials... you see a pair of hotties trying to get you to flirt with them via text. Text? Are you fucking kidding me? For what you charge, I want to at least see your tits. Doesn't matter. If you do it, you actually get a reply from some fat guy in Chicago who makes money while watching Sports Center. Or the "enhancement" commercials. There's one - some penis pump thing for enhancement. It's plastic. (No, I don't own one. They show it on TV. Looks like a salad shooter.) Ummm.. there's an organic alternative. It's called a BLOWJOB. Try it. It works, too. Or the pills... I even hear it on XM (there, XM - a plug for you) that makes you bigger AND improves performance. The guy always says he likes the performance, but the size thing is cool too. BULLSHIT. You want a bigger dick - just say it. We're all thinking it. Even your wife - who suddenly appears next to you, eyes glazed from her pony ride, knows it. Stop the self denial.
I guess I should mention shows like COPS. I love that show. My favorite episodes involve tasering and releasing the K-9's. Though this last episode some woman got shot twice by the cops when she got stupid with that gun in her hand. Just drop it. Do some of these criminals not realize they're gonna be on TV? They have to sign a release. It's video - it can be used in court, for Crissakes. "Honest officer, I don't know where that bag of crack in my pocket came from. These ain't my pants." (Yes, some dumbass actually told a cop that.)
Oh well, guess it's time to light a cig, grab a coffee and watch Judge Joe. Then it's time for the COPS marathon. Gotta love days off!