Saturday, June 13, 2009

Love is on the air...sort of. Well, sex, anyway...

Honey, it's just like Titan - ow fuck! Ow!

Romance. Love, lust, all the cool stuff, packed into 44 minutes and served weekly for our consumption. Okay, mostly the lust. Oh - and the stupidity. I was trying to avoid more than one TV related blog this week, but well... where stupidity finds me, I feel compelled to share it. And make fun of it.

( New Ho'k....everybody sing!)

I Love New York

Okay, so this is what started the ball rolling. I knew there were bad and really stupid relationship shows. To give New York credit, she IS equal opportunity, though the episode my girlfriend and I saw the guy she pet named "White Boy" get eliminated.

(White Boy - tossed like the #10 finalist on American Idol. I think it had more to do with him looking like a meth head, though.)

White Boy? Did he really think he had a chance with a nickname like that? We watched, stunned, as this show played to the low end of stereotype. The set looks like a pimp's nightmare. The winner gets a bling chain. At least she doesn't pretend not to fuck at least one of them. We're an interracial couple, and got to tell you, we were each sooo proud of our race after that. But hey, it's VH1 - not like anyone watches it intentionally (I actually thought it had something to do with the CITY. Silly me.) Apparently VH1 has the market on this dumb shit though, as I found out while pulling images. See, New York came from a show - let's just say they like to use has been musicians. Remember Flava Flav?

(Who would want to fuck someone who looks like a crack addicted clown? Oh. Okay.)

The Flavor of Love

Another VH1 gem. Take the front man from a 80's rap group and see how many women will hook up with him... well, New York did it at least twice. When you look like him, it ain't about the love. It's about the money. You're not a "Public Enemy" anymore, man.. more like a public nuisance. I'm just amazed that you can attract good looking women anymore. It's like watching a car accident. Well Flav, I know what the clock means, and I know what time it is. Time to change the channel...

(The girls from the Rock of Love Bus... where everybody gets a ride.)

Rock of Love Bus

The final VH1 turd that I'm gonna mention (hey, I didn't make these shows up, they did. I just make fun of them.) This was a show that was so bad it had to hit the road. Bret Micheals (Poison) decided he wanted to see how many fake blondes ACTUALLY exist in L.A. and couldn't pass the porn auditions. I couldn't make it past a segment or two at a time. Really? Ladies... couldn't you come together and find a REAL celebrity to take turns on?

Don't get me wrong. The network brainiacs picked up on this and tried it, but with real budgets. Doesn't make it any less trashy. ABC holds the reigns with two variants of the same theme. The bachelor. Why, they were so brilliant, they even came up with an original catchy name for it.

(Single mom episode - for a bachelor? Seriously?)

The Bachelor/Bachelorette

This one has been on awhile, but I think they're running low on premise. Apparently they're going from singles to single parents. Admirable? Or an opportunity to watch him squirm when a baby pukes on his Armani suit? The sad thing is that in this case the single moms are up against childless women. Not really fair. Next season they're going to use cougars, or so I hear.

And from the new shitheap - the CW, is probably the dumbest of the hookup shows.

(...and I take you, uhhh... what's your name again?)

Hitched or Unhitched

Yeah. A couple gets something like 48 hours to get married or not - watch the drama unfold! Sorry, no. As you can tell, I'm not even sure about the time frame. That's how little I give a fuck.

But what about relationships gone awry, Ed? You ask. Oh, they got something for that, too. I've only seen a couple of episodes, mostly because it's fun to watch people to get caught cheating on camera. Yes, if you haven't seen it, there IS such a show. What's it called? Ummmm... Cheaters. Pretty insightful, huh? I probably would watch it more if the host wasn't some self righteous prick.

(Wait, ladies... that's not what I meant when I said the drinks are on me!)

Everything I read about this show says it's the worst of all reality shows. Yet it's been on for nine seasons. I saw one guy punch the girl HE was cheating on in the face. Pretty sure that was the deal breaker for her. So... I guess I'm not the only one who is watching, huh?

Ah, love... it's really a wonderful thing.

As long as you don't cram it into 44 minutes.

Sponsored by:

Basic Instinct 3. Love the murder - but please, no crotch shot.


  1. Haven't heard of some of those, but the Bachelor I thought was as stupid as it sounds... Cheaters is just really BAD...... OMG is that a real pic of Sharon Stone at the end? LOOOOOLOL...

  2. Another great clip for my eyes. Yes thank God love is in the Air- Fantastic outlook- You really have a creative n wild imagination Ed. Keep up the great work-ALL THE MORE POWER TO YOU.
    GOD BLESS u -A great Soul.