Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Attack of the Styrofoam Heads!

What is a styrofoam head, you ask? Take a look around. Go to your local grocery store and find the whining, squealing little booger factory rolling around on the floor because mommy won't by it a bag of gummi bears or whatever they shove into their pie-holes these days.

Modern children. Semi-literate (at best) and overconfident. Fuck. I don't know how it came to this. Our future is in the hands of fat little half a tards who couldn't run a block unless it was a sim on their fucking Wii. Am I really that old? Am I really that old school in my thinking? What happened to culling the herd?

I don't mean ALL children. I have a son of my own - former Marine, raised well. You know which kids I'm talking about. The ones who normally wouldn't make it past the swallowing foriegn objects stage. This society so coddles these little fuckers that they think they're immortal. No repercussions.

I got a list. Yes, another one. Better for those short attention spans - ADD (Another Diverted Dipshit.) By that I mean too many people use ADD as an excuse to be so self involved that they don't have to give a fuck.

Observations and points on parenting: (not intended for use by non-professionals. Do not try this at home.)

1. Discipline. Oh shit, where do I start? With the mundane and idiotic attempts at reasoning with a pain in ass four year old, or the "friend" parents who let their punk ass teens get away with murder because they don't want to "infringe" on their personal space? Please. Instead of reasoning - THEY DON'T HAVE THAT CAPABILITY YET -tell them to shut the fuck up! And if they want to know why, because YOU SAID SO!! Worked when I was a kid. And for the "friend" parents? STOP IT!! You're not their fucking friend, they don't think so, they laugh about you behind your back as they steal your money. Take my word for it. Oh, and how could I forget the time out? The ABSOLUTELY most useless form of discipline known to man. Here's a hint, dumb-ass... you don't have to HIT the kid... you only have to convince them that you will. I never laid a hand on my son. But there was the occasional moment he was convinced I would...

2. Television and video games. Okay, let's start with video games. Pong. Pretty much explains my first video game. Now you have games that allow you to steal cars, beat hookers and cut up zombies with chainsaws to an endless speedmetal riff. Oh, sure, there's the Wii - but they even found a way to make that lazy. Shit. Saving grace - Guitar Hero... it allows old rockers to stay young via CG. I'm sure Steven Tyler loves that.

Contrast it to the insipid SHIT we feed these little trolls on TV. Dora. Puke. The Wiggles - what the fuck? Are you fucking serious? Do kids actually like this inane bullshit or is it that they've never actually SEEN a classic 1940's anvil-on-the-head Bugs Bunny cartoon? There is nothing funny or even remotely amusing about this drivel. No wonder our kids go to school wearing big kid's diapers, for Crissakes. (Yes, they make them. Pathetic. Too fucking lazy to potty train, I guess. Don't want a toilet paper cut.) Their brains are total mush. God help them if they ever have to read an analog clock. Or spell analog, for that matter.

3. Games with no losers. Ahem... a game with no losers is another way of saying a game being RUN by losers. Dorks with vegan treats for fluffy turds that can't actually play sports... glad I'm not a future scout for the NFL or NBA.
SCOUT: What the fuck was that? You call that a pass?
DOUGH-HEAD: Well, it worked in Pop Warner - they took away scores, you know. We were all winners.
SCOUT: No, you were all pussies.
The PURPOSE of a game is to create confidence through struggle and achieving victory. Or to sit quietly and wipe away a tear as you watch your opponent hoist his trophy.

Hey. Someone's got to be a loser. Stop making a race of them. Now... off to yell scores out at the nearest T-ball game...

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