Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Adam Lambert Conspiracy and Reality TV.

Yeah, I decided to take a page from Gene Simmons and use whatever I can to whore myself on the media. In this case, we both used Adam Lambert. I added conspiracy to help generate search hits. Genius, huh? I heard that - I am not an asshole. Well, not completely. Hell, everyone used him to generate noise.

I'll admit - and if you've read anything else I've written, (Stupidity on TV, ha! More whoring,) I watch reality shows, no matter how unreal. Well, except Survivor. I tried that - it was too dumb, even for me. And I'm a Family Guy fan, so what's that tell you? So despite myself, I watch American Idol. Have since it started. The original appeal was laughing at the horrendous auditions. Problem with that show is that you get into watching an individual get crushed each week. Now I know the Romans must've felt when their favorite gladiator got his head lopped off in the Coliseum. But at least the gladiator didn't have to sing his way into oblivion afterward.

Through the seasons, I've seen a lot of winners do jack shit. Kelly Clarkson took off - good for her, and Carrie Underwood is a huge star, but not in the arena for WHICH SHE WON! Fuck, Bo Bice should've had that. At least he never forgot the fucking words. Clay Aiken (shudder) came in second and SMOKED Ruben in album sales. Now Ruben has relegated himself to Gospel - nice, but not exactly where he thought he'd be. And Fantasia? That Minnie Mouse talking chick? What the hell happened to her? And one winner - The gray haired guy. Kinda tells you how much I remember about him. Fuck, a genuine parade of losers. Seems to pay to be second. or third... right, Chris Daughtry? Dunno about last season's winner, David Cook - the guy with the giant puppet head - yet. I only heard one song and I thought it sucked.

Then there's this season. I watched as people who should have been bumped were spared, and vise - versa. Alison should have been in the top three, at least. Danny should have been in the top two. You always knew where his songs were from. And I thought I knew who had to be the winner. Hell, we even took to calling it the Adam show. And the finale - Kris does a vanilla bit with some country singer whose name I can't recall and Adam comes out with one of the most outrageous bits on the show yet - KISS. Personally, I expected to see Aerosmith, but I guess they decided on a band that actually NEEDED the money. Except Gene. My media whore hero. That guy does anything to get his name out there - and guess what, Gene? This little bit won't cost you shit! The best publicity, right? And was it me, or was he the most umm.. lifelike of the original members? Four attempts to break a guitar? Way to go, gramps.

Big announcement time, and I'm only half paying attention because I already know who won. Then they announce it. I did a Bugs Bunny triple take. KRIS ALLEN? Fuuuuuck. Just goes to show you, in the ice cream store of life, no matter how flavorful America want to be, when left to its own devices, it'll always end up picking vanilla. But it'll never buy anything vanilla offers. At least Adam can rest easy knowing he doesn't get locked into some shitty overproduced garbage that no one with a musical sense beyond Hannah Montana will buy.

But cheer up - So You Think You Can Dance started tonight - and now I get to see even more deluded losers find out that they really, REALLY can't dance. Maybe we'll get lucky.

Maybe that guy who calls himself SEX (he always comes with his mom - creepy oedipal thing there) will dance like the rhythm-less moron that he is.

And America will be entertained. Release the lions!

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