Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Addictions... shall I name a few?

Yeah, you heard me. Everybody has something that they're addicted to. Some people would read this and say "Not me!!" while sipping their coffee and stubbing out their cigarette. Okay, so some of this may be an American/Canadian thing - but not in my usual way. (Means I won't be a dick.) Just want to educate a little, for those who think this place is emptiness and igloos. It's not. There are no igloos here.

I'm gonna bullet these. Don't want a run-on.

1. Smoking. I don't give a shit what anyone says, it's an addiction. When you see people huddled in -20 weather outside a restaurant for that last drag, you know they're hooked. It's funny to watch body parts fall off, however.

2. Coffee. Doesn't matter if you go to Canada's Tim Horton's - where there is ALWAYS a fucking block long line at the drive thru, but the lobby is empty (why is that? Are people really that lazy?) or Dunkin' Donuts in the states (well, some states), or Starbucks - which is fucking EVERYWHERE - I think I have one in my basement, even, you'll always see people plunking down a couple of bucks for twelve cents worth of bitter water. Me included.

3.Drugs/alcohol. Hey, we all know that person... always sucks up your stuff at a party. I had a "friend" who had this innate ability to show up AFTER we bought the beer and always expected to get some - okay a lot, he wasn't called Fat Jack for nothing - for free. Asshole. And living in a city, where someone will blow you for a beer... well, enough said.

4. Sex. No, porn doesn't really count here, because it's not sex. It's images of OTHER people having sex. Masturbation is just exercise. (Yeah. Exercise. That's it.) I'm talking about the obsession that takes up your every waking moment, in which you always seek the warmth and refuge in the intimacy lovemaking or wild roughness of straight up fucking -ahem. Excuse me. You know what I mean.

5.Social networking/blogging. Yeah, this includes Facebook. Not MySpace, though... no one goes there. It's funny how many people do this incessantly, to their health's detriment, even. Yet with ALL this addiction - and yes, I think there's more addicts in this area than all the others combined - you almost wish some folks would OD on it. Blogs with ads or stories about their fucking kitties (oh god save me) or how baby farted for the first time without shitting himself are just not worth sharing! Stop it! And spamming messages that have, at best, a niche audience is annoying as fuck! STOP IT!! What bugs me most are people who befriend you and link you to some bullshit website. I didn't ask for this. I just want people to talk to who are fun and know how to take a joke as well as give one. This doesn't include vegans. They're beyond boring. Feed 'em a steak, for fuck's sake... Agenda people, too. Go away or I'll make you go away...kapische?

Ummm... did I go on a rant? Oh well... guess it's time to light a smoke and fix an Irish coffee before I go and get laid.

Then I can think about my next blog.

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