Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Do they at least KISS you before they F**K you?

The Canadian 20.00 bill. Well, sorta.

(didn't notice the slight image change when I uploaded it - can you?)

Unemployment sucks. So does the government.

(At least HE gets residuals...)

Seems to me that if you work for a company for 15 years and get laid off, you should be able to rely on the government - who you PAID - to give you some of the money back that you GAVE them. Well, gave may be too soft a word. Had extorted from you is more adequate.

A friend had that happen to her. She is married and has two kids at home. Laid off on May 1st, she decided to make the transition to get her EI (Employment Insurance - the PC term for UN-employment... sounds less painful. Like calling death a life status change. Fucking stupid.) She applied online - the fastest way, huh? BZZZZZZ!! No, Alex. The answer is - it doesn't matter. She still hasn't received anything. When she called EI, they said they haven't even processed it yet. WHAT? Are you fucking kidding? For my American brethren, Canada has turned government jobs - aka - beauracracy, into an industry. But the shitty customer service is the same as it is there.

(Yeah..I could give ya a loan. No job? No problem. Fuhgeddaboudit.)

She asked when she could expect something and was told late June. "What am I supposed to do to pay bills?" You could extend you line of credit or get a loan, they said. Seriously. They ACTUALLY suggested that. With no job. Riiiight...

How's she supposed to help feed her family? Well, there's this:

(Our soup of the day is desperation noodle...)

Or this:

(Actual Mission in Winnipeg - just to demonstrate a point. They do good work.)

Or she could have applied for welfare, in which case she'd already be receiving a check. Oh, wait... she's married. She can't do that. So I guess the Good Hands people of the "Canadian Employment Insurance Company" feel fine just giving her the finger... who cares, right? They got jobs. Well, if all else I guess there's always a market for...

(I'm working on my tax free retirement plan...)

Really inspires faith in government. Speaking of entrepeneurs, Minneapolis lost another one today.

Tiger St. Claire Caged

(Looks more like a cougar to me...)

Nora Lee Anderson (any relation to Pam? Nah - Pam just looks like one) was arrested for operating an online prostitution ring. Apparently potential clients had to fill out questionnaires to ensure that they weren't police officers. Yeah, that worked. (Nora... it's the internet. Liars Paradise.) She called her operation FastPass - like the little credit card. Shit. I can only buy gas with mine...

The police closed the website and seized the client list. Among them - one of the areas' most prominent businessmen, to whom the working girls referred to as the "cheapest bastard alive."

This comes on the heels of another sting run by a local prosecutor, called "The Nice Guys." I get a warm and fuzzy knowing the government is out there looking out for me... when they're not trying to get laid. Or fucking the people that got them jobs in the first place.

I also wanted to share a Clinton vacation photo... seems Bill REALLY likes sailing...

(Aarr.. hang her from me mizzen mast... aaarrr)

And since we're on crime, I got a mug or two.

(I fucking TOLD you I don't like my photo taken!)

How about this guy?

(No, really. I'm Adam Lambert. I swear-sing? Umm. Fuck. You got me.)

And Andy Dick gives us his best Rodert Deniro impression...

(Y'all come down to Cape Fear sometime, hear?)

But when it's all said and done, life is good.

As long as I don't lose my job.

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The Personals - for when you just gotta fucking say it.

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