Gay or Straight - a Traveller's Guide.

Oklahoma State Gay Prison, manned by the Young Republican Guard.

(Okay, so it's not true. The one on the left is a Communist.)

If you're a regular reader, you already know that I'm American and live in Canada. I mention that because of the differences in the two places - and no, I don't mean the weather. We know it's fucking cold. But only most of the time. The rest of the time we have mosquitoes.

In some ways - depends on WHO you are - Canada is really progressive. No one knows this more than the members of the gay community. Now hold on - I'm not gonna bash gays, I don't do that. Besides, I have a couple of lesbian friends who would send me for a six month stint in the "re-education" camp if I did. I don't think it actually exists, but they're pretty convincing.

At the camp...

(Man, these accommodations suck... but at least the food is good.)

See, here gays can marry. My friends are married, and they bitch about each other. So what's the big deal? Personally, I think they should have the right to marry. I did it twice. If you want to spend years drifting apart, fighting, and ultimately lose half your shit, by all means. Have at. You will not see me stand in your way. Just remember... you may end up losing the title "gay"... there's a reason that word became associated with homosexuals... they usually seemed happier than the rest of us poor straight fuckers. More free to pursue their dreams (art, dance, whatever) with - I don't know, a support network. I paint, draw, and write, but being straight... well, it never helped. So the term gay is appropriate. Something some straight people envy, I think. Marry and you might lose it. And half your shit.

Then I guess the term would have to go to virgins. If you can find one.

In the states, you have to fight state by state just to be recognized. I see a lot about California - will they make up their mind already? How can a state with San Fransisco in it NOT recognize gay right to marry? Think of the business upside alone! Think of the reality TV! Instead of Bridezilla, we could have Bride vs. Bride! This weeks episode - the battle over the garter and corsage... who will win the challenge to throw what?

(Yes, I know. Something you don't see every day. Nice bridesmaids dresses.)

Or the grooms? We could have the Groom Fashionista Death Match - instead of bloody extreme fighting, extreme runway walks and metro makeovers. (Yeah, I know - stereotype - but fuck it. We do it to the straight morons on these kind of shows all the time. You think it's a coincidence that America's white trash all seem to end up on Jerry, Maury, and COPS?)

(Here comes the... oh, shit! We don't have a song!)

So you're probably thinking - yeah, Ed. What's your fucking point? Well... I was wondering the same thing. Oh, right. This may be unfair, and it's definitely inconvenient, but it could be worse.

(Grenada - where no one is gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

There are 85 countries where homosexuality is illegal. But cheer up, lesbians - out of those, 40 think girl/girl love is not only okay, it's perfectly legal. Some, like Grenada, simply adopt the U.S. military method of thinking - don't ask, don't tell. I picked Grenada because I was amused to find this fact out - I'm going there soon, and despite the antiquated law, no one cares. One of the popular restaurants - Patrick's, where everything - I mean EVERYTHING is pink except the food, is run by - well, a man's man. A flaming man's man. Let's just say that. I didn't make this up - look it up. And Grenada is one of the 40. Sorry guys!

http://www.grenadagrandview.com/

(Poolside at the hotel I'll be at. Paradise no matter what. Umm...no, it's not product placement. Who said that?)

The hotel we're staying at doesn't care either... it's one of those annoying laws, like don't urinate on the beach. No one pays attention to it.

(One is Carnival, the other is Gay Pride. Ummm... the difference is?)

So you see, some of this is serious, some not. There are seven countries where being gay is a death sentence. Literally. That's outside of the 85. Tolerance leads to acceptance, I know. Hopefully we'll end up in the ideal utopia, where everyone is able to love who they want, regardless of preference, and not have to worry about the ramifications of it.

Then they can get married and fuck it up.

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