Stupidity is like a box of chocolates. Comes in many flavors.

I feel like... a star! Or 56...

(Yeah, they're tattoos. She claims she only wanted five. And that's less stupid how?)

This picture is almost the epitomy of young stupidity. This girl said she only wanted five tattoos of stars on her face. (WHY?) Then at the tattoo parlor, she fell asleep and woke up with 56. Gotta call you on this one, kid. Bullshit. I have five tattoos and I worked in a shop for awhile - learned where the most sensitive body parts for tattooing are. The face is right up there, right behind the spine and ankle. And there is NO WAY you can sleep through one tattoo, let alone 56!
She blamed the artist, though he says she repeatedly looked in the mirror and requested more. I gotta go with him on this one - common sense:1, dumbass:0

(Hey Mr. Bookman, you're right! This IS more fun than the planetarium... got a dollar?)

Okay, I'm not sure what this guy was thinking. It seems to me, that if you have a job where your vehicle is readily ummm... identifiable, ya might not want to see it photographed at a swingers' club. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. Common sense:2, dumbass:0... score's starting to add up...

(Mmmm-mmm. Hickory smoked flavor!)

At first I thought this was just a car fire, till I read the article that went with it. Seems the dolt who owned the flaming wreck thought it would be a good idea to PREHEAT his grill before he went to a tailgating party. What this Gump didn't realize was that fire makes hot makes more fire! Help me, Jenny! I made a fire! Common sense:2, dumbass:1 - because it was too stupid for any common sense to prevail.

(Relax, honey... we're not even gonna be here that long. What are the odds of a fire?)

This is a special kind of stupid. I see it a lot, doing what I do for a living. Well, not the breaking out the windows part. But that sure would be cool. There's a reason for no parking in front of a hydrant, but APPARENTLY this dipshit didn't get the memo. Hope he likes his new air conditioning...

(Man, I must've drank a ton... got some serious cotton mouth...)

Some people just don't know when is enough. Then it's up to the rest of us to make them look stupider than they already do. And then post it on the internet, where rogue bloggers will steal and reproduce the image. Stupid with a capital "S." Common sense:2.5, dumbass:2.5 Depends on which side of that fence you're on.

(Uhh...guys? Are you sure this condom is enough protection?)

Stupidity even extends to ads... some are worse than others (I absolutely DETEST that stupid fucking Visine ad - the woman at the office who's about to pour a vase of water into her eyes because they're dry.) For me, that ad would go more like:

ME: What are you doing?
IDIOT EMPLOYEE: It's my eyes. They're so dry.
ME: Here. Try Visine Moisture.
IDIOT EMPLOYEE: but my eyes aren't red, they're dry.
ME: HEY! Did I ask you if they were red? It says moisture, dumbfuck! Try it.
IDIOT EMPLOYEE: (tries it) Wow it really works! Thanks!
ME: Yes. Now get out. You're fired. I can't have someone so stupid they'll pour a vase of water on their face working for me.

See? Problem solved. I do think that condom ad is funny, though. Not rated - no ads require common sense.

(Sometimes they're too stupid too live... but this one did.)

This guy wanted to steal some copper, so he scurried up a pole and started to do so. Guess he forgot about those big ol' white things an' electricity and all. He was burned pretty badly, but in the end - well, he was arrested. Stupid or not, theft is a crime. Common sense - refused to participate. Dumbass won by forfeit.

In the end, the world is filled with stupidity and it comes in many flavors. Unfortunately, they're all variations of turds.

Stay Smart!

Sponsored by...

Finally. Somebody said it. I like it.

Tattoos and Piercings and Mods, oh my!!

(Yes, I used Angelina for this. Why the hell not?)

First, let me start off by saying I have nothing against tattoos or piercings. I have five tattoos and a pierced ear. Kind of traditional, though. I got mine in the 80's, back when they were pretty much still the domain of bikers, the military, and convicts. I even worked in a Louisiana tattoo shop designing custom flashes (designs) freehand. Yep, there's people with my artwork running around. One is this girl we called Rat - she had a thing for rats. I made up one of a rat clawing into her... wonder how THAT'S looking twenty five years later.

(Cool tattoo. Big, but cool. Just sucks that he'll never see it.)

Tattoos. Years ago, they were just individual designs scattered about the body so that if you had enough of them, you looked a little like a graffiti'd wall in some slum somewhere. My father had 22. My son is new generation - he has three that I know of, but in traditional places. Very nice ones, too. The artwork is totally different - no pictures you can get from a gumball machine anymore.

Traditional places, you ask? They were places that could be covered if needed. No hand or face tattoos - nothing says blowing that accounting interview like a Gothic Fuck You tattoo on your neck. Or worse - the teardrop.
INTERVIEWER: Umm.. says you have a degree in accounting - sorry, I'm distracted.
TAT GUY: By what?
INTERVIEWER: Your tattoo. The teardrop. What's that about?
TAT GUY: Oh that. That's nothing. I killed a guy in prison while I was getting my degree.
INTERVIEWER: (shifting uncomfortably) Uh... huh. Okay... well, we DO have an opening in our janitorial staff...

So much for the prison education system. And on women - I have nothing against tattoos. Love them. But think before you put one on - these are for life. Men (yes, not fair, I know) can get away with more body "shift" when it comes to tats. Most are on our arms, backs, or chests. Gravity doesn't affect us much there. So when you get that butterfly on your breast - take care of yourself! Otherwise you'll end up with a gay dragon.

(Tramp Stamp beautifully done.)

And if you go for the infamous "tramp stamp" (we love them) stick with something tasteful. They're meant to be sexy. For the most part, they are. But some... are just scary. Like the one below...

(Oral fixation, have we?)

I thought it was just and oversized butterfly at first. Turns out it's a slutty Rorschach test. Tells me that it's not a tattoo - it's a bull's-eye. Anyone who goes within five feet of it is going to need penicillin. Just as bad -

(got a nickel?)

Almost makes me want to shave mine off. But enough about that. Let's find the truly - shall we say - unusual individuals? The ones who can't find a job where they're exposed to daylight. Like say you had a blind date and this greeted you at the door...

(and lo, the Gates of Hell opened and threw this ugly fucker out.)

If you weren't blind at arrival, I'm pretty sure you would be right after. I like piercings - ears, belly buttons, tongues, the little nose ones - and even the occasional nipple. But damn! What are these people thinking? They do know that they MAY live past 30, right? That at some point, they need to make a living?

In researching the piercing images, I was reminded of some of the places people liked to get them. Ouch. NO ONE will ever get me to willingly get my scrotum pierced. And body hooks? Are you fucking serious? Why would anyone want piercings that could get them hung up at a loading dock? Imagine airport security.

SECURITY: Empty your pockets,please.

PIERCED: They are empty.

SECURITY: I'm detecting metal. Could you take it out, please?

PIERCED: Okay... if you insist (ZIIIIP!)

SECURITY: (wiping away vomit) Holy fuck! Why would you do that? Twelve times?

PIERCED: Enhances sexual pleasure.

SECURITY: Yeah, but who'd want to fuck it?

See the dilemma? And then there's mods. They're leftover parts, mostly. I think they put them in with a power nailer. And yes, that's his actual EARS.

(No, keep the magnets away! Stop fucking around!)

This guy is actually one of the milder types. Guess he plans on going to hell and wants to look the part. Can't be to pick up chicks.

Unless he has a blind date.