For a friend - Facebook wouldn't let me post this.

Yes, they're girls, and yes, they're peeing standing up. Glad I don't have to clean the floor.

W.T.F. moments in advertising...

This guy is a total no bullshit lawyer. I'd hire him.

 So it's been awhile, I know. Lord knows there's enough stupidity to make fun of, but I haven't had much in the way of time (hey, I got a life too!) Just the same, I recently found myself with available time and while watching TV, I realized there were more dumb ads than I thought. Then I thought about it. Over time, some of the best dumb ads were in print. Now before you scroll down and start looking at these, be aware that some are pretty offensive. And that's before I add my caption. I didn't make these up, just showing you a reflection of stupidity over time. Some is just ignorance. So if you're offended easily, run like hell to your Strawberry Cheesecake Online game or something. This is for grownups.

Okay, warning over.

Some of the ads reflect things that at one time were considered beneficial, like drugs:

Effectively treats... does that mean give you?

 

Yup, over the counter at your local pharmacist. Cost - 10 cents. Addiction - free. Priceless.

This is partially true (ask a German,) but no more than one a day and only if it follows the Reinheitsgebot. They can't even pronounce that in Milwaukee.

Possible side effects include: Grandpa not making it to the next Thanksgiving dinner, leaving an open spot at the big table. Okay, one dose.

This was fine till toothless people showed up complaining about toothaches.

Or maybe cigarettes, even. I mean, the was a time when the Surgeon General spent all his time worrying about little things like polio, tuberculosis, and measles. You know, kid stuff.

How the Marlboro man got his start.

Maybe to knock the shit out you for blowing smoke in her face...

At least until the emphysema kicked in... Believe it... or Not!

Yeah, he only sent them to Democrats.

Okay, she likes'em long. I had to say that.

Some of the worst ones reflect the mentality of the time - the old school Mad Men were chock full of pointy hooded racists and sexists. Oh, this is the part I warned you about.

Coca Cola... the original Ritalin.

It's Schlitz. It would taste better if she did.

Yes, it's the same famous plus size store. See how they changed it?

People's exhibit 1: This is why Mary sweetened his coffee with cyanide.

Yeah, it's horrible. But someone went to great trouble to make sure Rastus had excellent handwriting for an illiterate.

Really? Someone didn't give the 19th century pinhead the memo...

If he thinks she'll be happier with a Hoover at Christmas, I hope he doesn't expect one of his own.

The absolute worst. By the way... I didn't know the Jacksons did soap ads... Jermaine... Tito... and Micheal with his original nose.

And as you can see, it's capable of withstanding a strike of at least two torpedoes.

Who wants a pussy that just lays there?

All new, the 1968 iPhone.

Still there? Good. Yeah, I poke fun at it, but sometimes it truly is embarrassing to see such a reflection of history and its attitudes about everything. You have to see it, be able to make fun of it, and not forget it. It's the only way to move forward.

Lastly, I found some oddities and things that didn't totally fit in (or that I forgot.)

Enjoy the last set, and understand that ignorance will always become fodder for jokes.

Guess it gives new meaning to feeling like shit.

Ad from when Coca Cola used coca leaf in their soda. Most popular slogan at the time: "Say hello to my li'l friend!" 

 

Yup, they had them even then. I thought it meant something else till I saw the puppet.

For the 40's housewife who got tired of FUCKING HOOVERS!!!!

Welll... maybe not the stupid ones...

Yes, Lysol made a douche. And yes, it protected against H1N1.

There ya go. Proof that Ovaltine makes you gay.

I've had mine called a few things, but never Sega.

Old ad for Italian babies.

Hmm.  I guess prison was a happier place in the 50's.

They probably were, since 1950's tampons were about the size of 1950's computers.

 That's it for now... tune in for more offensive fun!

 Brought to you by...

Buy one, get one free... one for each end!

Christmas from da Barrio... okay, not really.

Merry Christmas from da Barrio, Holmes…

Lemme introduce da first Christmas to you… it ain’t da way they tell it, esse…

First, you got Jose. He thinks he da baby daddy but he not.

Da baby mama, she be Maria. And then da baby, (yeah, there’s two) Jesus, (like hey – Seuss, bro) and his unknown twin, Juan. Juan became a plumber.

Den, you got da Tres Amigos – they brought presents an’ shit like tacos, burritos, and tequila.

Da dudes wit’ wings – they da Border Patrol. No helicopters back then.

Da homey wit’ da sheep is Juan Valdez, Jose’s cousin from Columbia. He said he brought coffee… I dunno.

The camel? Well hey man, everybody knows – that’s da first Lo – Rider! See da purple seat cover gold trim an’ tassels? Can hold all of them, man…

Now you know da True story of da first Christmas, man…

Feliz Navidad!

Happy Holidays from Kim and Ed!

Even Santa's Workshop has bad ideas...

Christmas ain't Christmas without music...

RUN-DMC - Christmas In Hollis (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Run-D.M.C.

Christmas? Paid? Why not, I own your house... hum that bug.

Well, another year has come and the holidays have struck again. It's that time when we celebrate the birth of baby Jesus with something called "Black Friday" and five weeks of battling at the local Wal-Mart for the latest Playstation or Wii game. (Jesus would have wanted it that way.) In fact, if you look real close in the Black Ops commercial, you can see baby Jesus turning water into napalm... (yeah, I'll go to hell for that.)

They should put these on the back of potentially crappy gifts.

Thing is, we've had rough times in the past few years. Gifts have got to be good. You can't afford to spend the house payment money on something that will be re-gifted or end up on an episode of Hoarders because the crazy old lady down the street found it in your garbage. So, in the interest of helping you, the reader, here's some stuff you shouldn't get adults...

Sorry, Santa does good. I do naughty. Well.

So... I looked around. Turns out there's a few things you don't want to give or receive. Shit you won't find on Amazon. Maybe E-bay, yes. You can get used toilet paper there if you bid high enough. So here we go.

For the woman who wants to stay in shape... and drunk.

These are all real gifts. A wine tote bra. So what do you get if you prefer your wine in a box?

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't trust that cup of coffee.

Toilet coffee mug. Great gift for the total shit in your life, I guess.

Ummm... really? Are you seriously that lazy?

A pet... petter? If you're too lazy or germaphobic to have a real pet, try this...

Low maintenance... but not high on the affection chart.

Yes, someone made a fortune off of packing boxes with rubble. Only in America. But then, we also were the first to buy water in bottles because someone said it was cool.

The perfect gift for the OCD hoarder in your life. For the rest of us it's just stupid.

Yup. As if fanny packs weren't gay enough. Now... on to the kids. They don't re-gift, they just break it and forget about it. Wait... they do that with every toy.

Don't you just WANNA be the one to tell him?

For every item they love, there's ten that end up as sharp debris under your feet when you're going to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

It's ours.. it's real... and it's fantastic. Eat that, Terri Hatcher.

Let's see what Santa's "mentally optimistic" (brain half full) elves came up with, huh?

I always heard Dora was a whora, but seriously?

I hear if you rub the base she shoots out the top.

A Braille Rubik's cube. So blind kids can be pissed off, too.

Yeah, a blind joke. I'm not worried... not like they're going to see it.

Balls, nuts... it's all the same.

Not really a toy... unless your daughter is a young Democrat with cankles.

Don't know if this is boring or just plain creepy.

Jesus bobbing in my bath water? Just hope this wasn't a Catholic idea...

This is a Russian Roulette game. The guy who came up with this is a special kind of stupid.

Yeah, really. Nothing like preparing the ol' kids to off themselves...

Barbie's knocked up friend, Midge. Can't have Barbie ruin her figure, can we?

First, pregnant Midge. But as usual, no one cared about Barbie's skeezy friend.

Oh, maybe we can... as long as Barbie did it in high school. Even comes with a cell, money, and a little welfare check.

Pregnant Teen Barbie. Because trailer park girls need something to aspire too... and if you order now, you get free tickets to Maury to find out who Barbie's baby daddy is... 

Yup... a kid's tattoo kit. He can even do Little Mermaid tramp stamps.

Just so the trailer park boys don't feel left out, someone came up with this. Note the camo hat. Bet they're drinking real beer, though...

Ummm... yeah... for that budding cocropheliac in your family...

Hmmm... just a truly shitty gift. And that's about it for this Christmas, folks... spend your money wisely, and enjoy the lovely gifts you receive! Okay, at least pretend to. I'm sure the myrrh got re-gifted, too.

Hey! I had a night of nothing but cookies and milk! What'd you expect to see?

Merry Christmas!!!

Brought to you by...

Pirates of the Seamen Beer - for when you want a little head in your drink! Arrr!!!